I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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