You smell like a Billy Joel song
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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