I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
