When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
