If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
