i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
