how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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