my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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