We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
