U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
