i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
