Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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