Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
And then he peed in my hair
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