She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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