apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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