Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
