no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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