i will never coherently bang her
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
