Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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