then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
