You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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