i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
