just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
