Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
