I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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