Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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