her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
