I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
