if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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