sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
