I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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