I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
