allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Ambien. No doubt about it.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
