Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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