this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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