oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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