my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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