I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
