Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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