oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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