And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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