Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you would pick up someone in the library
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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