New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
