she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
