So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
