if you like me you must not know who I am
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
