so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
