woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
