; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
two words...techno handjob
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
