if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
my liver is dry heaving
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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