I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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