Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
