Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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