VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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