Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
